A letter to my neurotypical angel

Dear daughter of mine-

Just like your brother and sister, I cried when you were born and continue each and every day to wish you all of the success and happiness life could possibly offer.I stroked your hair during midnight feedings, kissed your "owies" and eased your fears when you were scared. I have also scolded you for misbehaving, reminded you to listen to your teachers and be a good student.  I have not grieved over a diagnosis for you, raised money to walk for your cause, or fought for services and therapy on your behalf.

Have I done enough for you? Will I ever be able to match the struggle? I know I shouldn't compare. I love you all the same, but I feel guilty somehow that I haven't had to work so hard to make you the shining star that you have become on your own. At the age of 10, you have dealt with more ups and downs than most adults will ever experience in a lifetime. Your compassion for others outweighs most and your love for your siblings is inspiring. At times I wish every child your age could spend a week in your shoes and learn from it. I think this would help to raise a generation of tender individuals.

I love the way you help your siblings put on their shoes (and pants), help them with their feeding therapies, hold their hand on the way to the car, cheer for them when they use the bathroom instead of having an accident, and explain autism to the random strangers staring at us in Target. I am proud of the fact that you are not embarrassed by the fact that your brother and sister make loud noises in public, wear diapers at times, and choose not to wear pants on a regular basis. I love the way you get mad at your father and I when we conquer and divide activities since you want us to do things as a family. I admire your perseverance with constantly insisting on family dinners even when we eat separately to make our lives easier at times. I long for your optimism regarding a future family vacation where we fly on a plane and wish I could make some of the stress of this life disappear for you.

My dear, sweet neurotypical angel, I only wish you the best with everything you do and wish I had the strength and heart you show each and every day. I can only sit with my fingers forever crossed that you don't run away and never return when you grow up. I am not sure that I would blame you on some days. You are well on your way to becoming one of the most amazing individuals life could ever deliver. You have learned so much empathy from our life and show me everyday reasons to be proud of you. I worry that you will be bitter as we have not been able to provide for you the same as many of your peers. We have had to separate so many experiences to ensure that you don't miss out and I sincerely hope these were the right choices. I don't want you to feel sorry for yourself because of our autism lifestyle, but instead embrace our challenges and see what a better person you have become for making it work. I really don't have to hope for this as I witness you prove your "ausomeness" daily.

Thank you my darling daughter, you have taught me so much. May the world be your oyster and you cash in on the largest pearl available. I cannot think of anyone who deserves it more.

Love, Mom