A shift in thinking- thoughts from a mom heading into a new place in life.

With two children on the end of the spectrum where verbal skills are minimal and using the bathroom independently is a never ending battle, progress is bittersweet at times. I hear so much about parents who are new to this adventure and they seem to be struggling with the same things we are STILL working on a decade later. I do truly measure my angels progress in much more than test scores and age equivalents (http://wheresyourpantsautism.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-do-you-measure-progress.html), but now that we are closer to adulthood than toddlerhood I am starting to look at things differently.

My 12 year old is entering puberty and still watches Sesame Street and Blues Clues. For crying out loud, he masterbates and needs deodorant, but still needs to hold my hand at all times to ensure safety. My 9 year old still doesn't talk, although she is a wizard with her Dynavox. For years people have been telling me, "I heard of this one child who started talking at age____." I think this ship may have sailed on our end of the spectrum. I am not sitting in "woe as me" land and I am not in a fit of depression about where they are at developmentally. I just see a huge shift in my thinking about what is important and what we need to do to make sure they are as independent and happy as they can be. I am thinking about the skills they need to read and write at a functional level and to make sure they can work with money at some point (or at least understand the concept of spending.) I want to make sure they can tell someone their name and address (or at least our phone number.) I don't care if they know state capitals or can name our first president. They don't need to learn proper grammar, but instead how to ask for what they need in a way everyone can understand. They need to know how to clean their dishes and make their own sandwich. Maybe even use a microwave so they can warm their food. I still think the sky is the limit in terms of the progress to be made, we are just on a different path.

I find myself researching places like Juniper Hills or life skills colleges instead of early intervention and new services. I don't go to every conference related to autism and don't read every book available. I prefer to read stories of those farther along on this journey than we are. What do you do with a teenager with autism? I like those stories. They are few and far between really. So much focus is on the little ones and early intervention. This is important, in fact crucial as the rate of diagnosis soars. I think I am simply saying goodbye to this stage of life. I am future bound instead of fix it bound. It is a good place to be. I think I am getting used to it here.

A sense of community in an unusual place

I recently started to blog again and this time added the Facebook page/Twitter account component. I thought it would be a great outlet to laugh, celebrate and complain about things most of my friends, coworkers and family cannot understand or relate to.

The one thing I wasn't expecting was to find such a sense of community. I am not always the most social person. I don't like girls night outs, book clubs, luncheon pot lucks at work, neighborhood gatherings, etc. For a good time I enjoy a long run (alone) or a night out with my husband enjoying a great dinner or a concert. I have great friends, but I like to keep my circle small. I like to chat when I am at the gym, school, or other social events, but I really don't want to share in small talk or the other conversations as much as everyone else seems to. There is nothing wrong with any of the above, but they are really just not my thing and they never have been. I am happy with things the way they are as it is the quality, not quantity of conversations and people that matter.

With that being said, the sense of community found while creating this new blog and Facebook page has been surprisingly gratifying in a way I did not expect. I am laughing at the fact that other folks know as much about poop as I do, laugh at the fact their children prefer not to wear clothes, and are equally as sleep deprived as I. I knew this writing and sharing would be cathartic for me, but I didn't think that I would relish the recurring visitors, nor would frequent the same pages I so enjoy. I have never been a big Facebook person who posts pictures of their food or tells about every moment of their day, but I have posted more on my page in the last month than I have on my personal page since it began.

My interest started by reading what other people post and write about. I have always enjoyed following others- Effin' Autism, Autism Hippie, Autism with a side of fries, Autism Daddy and Mutha Lovin' Autism are a few of my favorites. I like them all for different reasons whether I agree with what they say or not. The authors of these pages/blogs are a part of a very important community that I have started to hold near and dear.

I used to go to a support group or two and they were wonderful. I have many cherished friendships that have developed as a result. They are fantastic and I am grateful to have some autism moms on my local team. This virtual support is equally valuable and I am glad I have arrived. A little late to the party, but better than not coming at all.

Gotta go, I have another naked kiddo to chase down!