A shift in thinking- thoughts from a mom heading into a new place in life.

With two children on the end of the spectrum where verbal skills are minimal and using the bathroom independently is a never ending battle, progress is bittersweet at times. I hear so much about parents who are new to this adventure and they seem to be struggling with the same things we are STILL working on a decade later. I do truly measure my angels progress in much more than test scores and age equivalents (http://wheresyourpantsautism.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-do-you-measure-progress.html), but now that we are closer to adulthood than toddlerhood I am starting to look at things differently.

My 12 year old is entering puberty and still watches Sesame Street and Blues Clues. For crying out loud, he masterbates and needs deodorant, but still needs to hold my hand at all times to ensure safety. My 9 year old still doesn't talk, although she is a wizard with her Dynavox. For years people have been telling me, "I heard of this one child who started talking at age____." I think this ship may have sailed on our end of the spectrum. I am not sitting in "woe as me" land and I am not in a fit of depression about where they are at developmentally. I just see a huge shift in my thinking about what is important and what we need to do to make sure they are as independent and happy as they can be. I am thinking about the skills they need to read and write at a functional level and to make sure they can work with money at some point (or at least understand the concept of spending.) I want to make sure they can tell someone their name and address (or at least our phone number.) I don't care if they know state capitals or can name our first president. They don't need to learn proper grammar, but instead how to ask for what they need in a way everyone can understand. They need to know how to clean their dishes and make their own sandwich. Maybe even use a microwave so they can warm their food. I still think the sky is the limit in terms of the progress to be made, we are just on a different path.

I find myself researching places like Juniper Hills or life skills colleges instead of early intervention and new services. I don't go to every conference related to autism and don't read every book available. I prefer to read stories of those farther along on this journey than we are. What do you do with a teenager with autism? I like those stories. They are few and far between really. So much focus is on the little ones and early intervention. This is important, in fact crucial as the rate of diagnosis soars. I think I am simply saying goodbye to this stage of life. I am future bound instead of fix it bound. It is a good place to be. I think I am getting used to it here.