I am thankful...

'Tis the season to be thankful. 

Although parenting two children with autism is challenging, I am thankful for their health and happiness the same way I would if there was no diagnosis. Parenting is challenging, but I can only imagine how hard it is to be them and struggle with the things that come so naturally for us.

I am thankful that our journey has taught me to be grateful for each day and celebrate the milestones they work so hard to achieve. Trying new foods and tolerating loud noises is a daily challenge for them both and when they are still smiling at the end of each day, I am beaming with pride and hope for more successes to come. Overcoming the sensory overload must be exhausting and confusing for them at times. When this leads to a need for tickles and hugs, I find a lump in my throat as I hang on tight. I am grateful they can seek out what they need. They have never said, "I love you," but I cherish the moments when my son says,"Lay down please," which is his way of saying, " sit by me." I will play the "stinky foot game" as long as my daughter likes and her laughter is infectious. Sure it's considered a baby or toddler game, but when my 9 year old sticks her feet in my face with a smile, I will always comply. These moments are fleeting and I am grateful for them all. 

I am grateful for not only their developmental success, but also for the lessons I have learned. I don't know that I would appreciate the little things in life if we didn't have the challenges autism has thrown our way. 

As I always say, we measure success in smiles and laughter and I am grateful for the abundance we have! 

Back to school? What is that?

This is such an odd time of year at my house. With one child in public school and me being a teacher I get the back to school craze and change of season.

As for the other kiddos, people frequently ask, "Where do they go to school?" or "What grade is he/she in?" They are common questions and milestones we all celebrate, right? Not so much I pulled these kiddos out of public school a long time ago and they attend a full time ABA/Skills Development Program which follows a year round calendar. We don't have 6th grade graduations or school supply shopping. They don't care about the letter that comes in the mail explaining what room you will be in next year and who your teacher is. They don't go shopping for school clothes or a new backpack. We just get what they need as they need it. In fact that is kind of freeing in some ways.

For my ASD angels, we have annual evaluations and meetings to go over goals every 90 days. I love this programming and would never change a thing about my life, but while everyone else is either doing cartwheels as their kids head off to the first day of school or crying as their kindergartner gets on the bus for the first time,  it is bittersweet in my house. One more milestone we won't celebrate. We have plenty of things to cheer about as I have written about many times- we measure our life in terms of progress and smiles. Read more here: http://wheresyourpantsautism.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-do-you-measure-progress.html

I followed my other daughter's bus all the way to her first day and took pictures as she happily skipped into school. For the other two we drive an hour one way just to get them where they need to be. Again, I love this programming and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but this time of year tugs at my heart strings. We have worked hard to pave our own way to make sure my kids all have an opportunity to learn and meet their maximum potential and remain happy.  They don't even have IEP's so I don't have that frustration that I read and sympathize with when I peruse the posts by my fellow autism parent bloggers.

It isn't bad, just weird. I guess that sums it up. I have never been the kind of person who easily fits into one sterotype so I guess this seems like the right path for us. Why do "back to school" like everyone else right?

PS- I still have drawers of school supplies. I cannot help it. I love a new pencil and notebook!

New beginnings

We dropped the kiddos off at their new center. Bittersweet for so many reasons...

This shift changes the road ahead for them both and it is for the better. Our therapy focus has shifted and so has our family and future focus. While I am grateful for the new opportunity and will forever consider us blessed to be involved with the program we have them enrolled, in many ways we are saying farewell to the expectations and path we thought was paved. I am someone who likes and embraces change, but I find some more difficult than others.

I have learned to roll with it. Autism is a spectrum and so are the related adventures. We just finished spending a wonderful holiday weekend as a family and now we start things fresh. 

Goodbyes are tough. I suck at them. Oh well... Keep going.

Cheers to my favorite autism daddy!

A quick post about my favorite autism daddy-

Thanks for being by my side for almost 14 years and staying strong during this roller coaster ride. Things have not always been perfect and at times the lows have been really low. I am glad we have stuck together. This road would be much more rocky and not as much fun if we let our struggles get the best of us.

Thanks for helping clean up poop, get up with the kids at night, laugh when the kids run around naked and sometimes throw their food across the kitchen. I am glad we can find ways to laugh at things that others would find stressful. Our children (and I) are grateful that you are such a hands on dad. You were before autism and still are. That is something to be proud of- many dads would just give up.

Thanks for letting me cry when things get tough and my exhaustion gets the best of me. Thanks for being vulnerable too. It takes a real man to dig in and be an autism dad and not just take the back seat while I clean up the messes.

Thanks for being my friend, partner and love of my life. We have made some hairy decisions over the year, but have really come out on top. We have blazed our own trail and there isn't anyone else I would rather travel through life.

Now go eat your breakfast and enjoy a coffee. Cheers!

*boom* she drops the microphone :)

Where's your pants? and other things parents of children with autism say...: More than words can say...

Where's your pants? and other things parents of children with autism say...: More than words can say...: My little girl will be 9 in the fall. Her curly hair and beautiful smile is as gorgeous and sweet as the day she was born. Her boundless ene...

More than words can say...

My little girl will be 9 in the fall. Her curly hair and beautiful smile is as gorgeous and sweet as the day she was born. Her boundless energy is as exhausting as it is inspiring.

She has grown so much and I am proud of everything she has overcome as a nonverbal child with autism. Her expressions and volume of howling, screaming, vocal stims, and other random noises tell a story, but I will always wonder, "what if she could tell me?"

She makes everyday bright in her own special way. She has never said, "I love you" or "I need you mommy," but she shows me in her own way. When she squeezes my arm and buries her face in it, I know this is her way of showing me love (and also a nice sensory fix for her). She will grab my hand and pull me to the couch or her bed just to sit by her. My heart soars in these moments. This is a way that SHE is initiating and engaging with me. Those of you with children with autism can appreciate the moments when our children reach out to us instead of us always having to pull them out of their autism into our world. When I ask for a kiss she leans in enough to just give me the top of her head. I will say, "lips please." Most of the time she will tilt her head up so I can give her a kiss on the lips or cheek, which I know is not her preference. These moments are precious and I cherish each and every one of them.

She has so much to tell us. More than even words can say.  Thank you Dynavox for giving my angel a voice, even if sometimes she is just flat out talking back. I love that she can say, "no" and "please." That she can ask for what she wants instead of me giving her choices that may not even be close to what she really wants. I am grateful her big sister is able to manipulate the buttons on her device so she can participate with her communication success. Of course, on her birthday she made a button that said, "It is my birthday. Have a sucker or I will punch you in the face." Sister humor! We deleted it, but it was funny. I love that when I say, "go and get your words" she knows exactly what to do. I appreciate her persistence with hitting the same button/request over and over again even after I have already said, "no." See example here- https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=504593996313711&l=7394803661349044850.

For years she used PECS to communicate and those pictures were one of the greatest tools we have used to open up her world. With her Dynavox she has so many more options. We are just beginning to unlock all of the ways we can use it. I think I am the most grateful for the decrease in frustration. She used to get so mad and sometimes even cry when we didn't understand. Now she just gets mad when we say she cannot have candy for breakfast!

So for those of you who have children that can say, " I love you" or "help me" or have any sort of conversation at all- count your blessings. The struggles related to our communication barrier isn't about us as parents, it is about how hard it is for her to express herself and join in with others. Autism is already full of challenges, being non verbal complicates things on a whole different level.

A shift in thinking- thoughts from a mom heading into a new place in life.

With two children on the end of the spectrum where verbal skills are minimal and using the bathroom independently is a never ending battle, progress is bittersweet at times. I hear so much about parents who are new to this adventure and they seem to be struggling with the same things we are STILL working on a decade later. I do truly measure my angels progress in much more than test scores and age equivalents (http://wheresyourpantsautism.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-do-you-measure-progress.html), but now that we are closer to adulthood than toddlerhood I am starting to look at things differently.

My 12 year old is entering puberty and still watches Sesame Street and Blues Clues. For crying out loud, he masterbates and needs deodorant, but still needs to hold my hand at all times to ensure safety. My 9 year old still doesn't talk, although she is a wizard with her Dynavox. For years people have been telling me, "I heard of this one child who started talking at age____." I think this ship may have sailed on our end of the spectrum. I am not sitting in "woe as me" land and I am not in a fit of depression about where they are at developmentally. I just see a huge shift in my thinking about what is important and what we need to do to make sure they are as independent and happy as they can be. I am thinking about the skills they need to read and write at a functional level and to make sure they can work with money at some point (or at least understand the concept of spending.) I want to make sure they can tell someone their name and address (or at least our phone number.) I don't care if they know state capitals or can name our first president. They don't need to learn proper grammar, but instead how to ask for what they need in a way everyone can understand. They need to know how to clean their dishes and make their own sandwich. Maybe even use a microwave so they can warm their food. I still think the sky is the limit in terms of the progress to be made, we are just on a different path.

I find myself researching places like Juniper Hills or life skills colleges instead of early intervention and new services. I don't go to every conference related to autism and don't read every book available. I prefer to read stories of those farther along on this journey than we are. What do you do with a teenager with autism? I like those stories. They are few and far between really. So much focus is on the little ones and early intervention. This is important, in fact crucial as the rate of diagnosis soars. I think I am simply saying goodbye to this stage of life. I am future bound instead of fix it bound. It is a good place to be. I think I am getting used to it here.